My husband is chatting on Facebook with women, even though he knows it bothers me?
who2trst asked:
He created this page recently, and now he has several women “friends”. He has said that they are all friends he has not seen since high school. This makes me very uncomfortable, and when I asked him to stop, he refused. He said he is willing to divorce me on the principal, and I feel very betrayed. Why should some people he has not seen in 30 years matter more than I do? I don’t know what to do. He has time to say a hello to them, or chat, but no time or energy for me.
He created this page recently, and now he has several women “friends”. He has said that they are all friends he has not seen since high school. This makes me very uncomfortable, and when I asked him to stop, he refused. He said he is willing to divorce me on the principal, and I feel very betrayed. Why should some people he has not seen in 30 years matter more than I do? I don’t know what to do. He has time to say a hello to them, or chat, but no time or energy for me.
divorce him now.
this guy is no good and up to no good.
just him telling you that he’ll leave you for them is a big ouch.
people are screwed up. Guys are assholes. I suggest returning the favor and talking to random guys in chat rooms and say they’re your old friends
an eye for an eye makes the whole world happy.
I can understand your frustration……to a point. If this is recent, and he’s found friends that he hasn’t spoken to for 30 years, give him a little break! These are the people that he spent some of the best years of his life with. If he’s just recently re-connected to them, he’s going to want to chat! My mother is still finding friends from school and quite a few of them are men. It doesn’t mean she’s going to pack right up and go to be with one of them. They’re just people that she has some deep history with. Instead of just insisting he stop, why don’t you open a dialog about it with him. Are they ALL women?
I went through exactly the same thing with mine he said they were “friends” I later found out(which I really knew all along,you get a gut feeling) that they were really friends with benefits not a good situation to be in I would try everything I could to find out what he is doing with these “friends” of his try getting his password if he wont give it to you then there is something going on.
Maybe he feels as if you are being controlling. Does it bother you because you don’t trust him or you feel these women are a threat? Chances are, it’s not a big deal. However, you haven’t said that you have a definite reason to believe something is up and you haven’t revealed anything leaving the impression that you have reasons to not trust him. It’s not about these people meaning more, because they do not since he is married to you. Maybe he just feels as if he’d like to have some friends and you are asking too much by refusing he be able to have that, because some happen to be women.
Sweetie , I don’t know how long you have been with this guy or married to him !! but if he seriously said that stuff and is acting like
this to you ; first of all He has no RESPECT for you : If he does not care how this makes you feel …. Wow and the divorce and Principall thing is over the edge.
If this is what he wants and it makes him happier than you do and you don’t get what you need from him …. then it is time to seriously get out : let him find out how warm and happy a computer screen and words can make him . Life is to short to spend years unhappy and unloved or not appreciated for who you are ! You deserve the love and respect you were promised … Loveing yourself enough is the first step to a happier life … Good Luck and God Bless you
I can understand how you’d be bothered by this.
Surely, I would feel the same if I was placed in your position.
First, you said that he recently created a facebook page.
Because facebook is a new thing to him, and he’s re-connecting with people he probably lost contact with.. It’s going to be a lot of fun for him.
Giving him some slack to converse with these old friends would be the nice thing to do.
However, if he is devoted several hours to viewing their photos and writing on their walls – that poses a problem.
A person somewhere above me said something about how high school was the best time of his life…
Well, my teacher once said he pities people who say that.
The best time of a person’s life should be from when they met their loved one and so on.
If he’s neglecting you, it’s time to have a little talk.
You go on to say that he said that he’s willing to divorce you simply for asking him to stop with the facebook.
That’s insane, and if my boyfriend ever said something like that to me, I would smash the monitor and take pleasure in him crying cuz it’s gone.
Do not put up with that.
My suggestion to you:
Talk to your husband about how you’re feeling.
Without yelling and rage, in a mature manor.
Maybe allow him, let’s say, an hour a day for his facebook profile.
I’m sure you can come to a compromise here.
I’m going to start this comment with some reflection and then it’ll get better, I promise but… Have you considered that he’s tired of the same routine? Perhaps he’s lost his energy for you because you’re constantly reminding him that he needs to HAVE energy for you…
I know when we feel unappreciated, we tend to be more vocal of the things that we want others to do to make us feel better but some people just don’t want to hear it, they’d rather see what you’re going to do about it instead of asking them to do something…
I don’t know how long you’ve been married but chances are he might seriously be looking for some social networking. If you don’t like it, have you two joined any clubs together so you can spend time making new friends together and having new experiences? I know back in the old days my parents would go out bowling. Now my mom didn’t particularly like the sport but it was a place where she could have a drink and spend time out with my dad.
I think that we need to look on ourselves whenever we have issues, we can’t always say “why is this person doing this” because a lot of times it’s because we didn’t give them a reason NOT to be doing that. After exhausting all ideas without including nagging, if you’ve tried everything then I would seek professional help. Not because he’s uninterested but because of your jealousy of him talking to other women, you’re married for god’s sake, if he wanted to be disloyal, he would have a “long day at the office” and do it anyways so all you have left is trust and it sounds like you DON’T trust him..
I tell you what, find some way to make some extra cash this month (so it doesn’t affect bills) and go out to Lover’s Lane or your local sex shop and surprise him with a special outfit. Make it extra special for him and let him take pictures of you in the outfit as long as he promises to keep them private. Your trust in him having this pictures will not only help him show interest in you again but it will also spice up his life enough that he may not leave you alone again!!!
Was that suggestion too naughty even for you? All the more reason for you to do it but if that’s not a good idea then spend a day at the spa and have them give you a new look but get some ideas of what he likes first.
Give him what he wants (the divorce). You’ll be doing yourself a huge favour in the process. Why would you want to stay married to a guy who does not love you?
Your husband is seeking something from someone else that he should be getting from you. Sometimes men can get combative in this instance because he may feel he isn’t doing anything wrong or has no intention of cheating.
First off, cheating isn’t just physical. It can be emotional too. Essentially what your husband is doing by having these facebook relationships is putting himself into a high risk scenario for cheating on you. Furthermore, he should be getting this brand of attention from you. So when he seeks it elsewhere he makes you think he doesn’t desire you.
Counseling is definitely needed here, for both of you. He needs to understand how he is enddangering his marriage. You must learn what your husbands needs are. So both of you have goals to accomplish in counseling. Good luck.
They’re just old friends from school.. As long as he’s just talking to them occasionally, I don’t see the problem. Would you want to lose your marriage over something as little as that? He is still your husband and you’re the one he is in love with, not them. If you have other problems in your relationship which make you insecure about Facebook then it’s a different story, and you should be fixing them together.
You two need to go into therapy now to help find out between the two of you what is appropriate marriage behavior and what is not. If you both agree on something – great. But if you’re so unhappy about his talking with women (and I don’t blame you, I’d be too) he needs to respect that and do SOMETHING about it. Life’s too short to be unhappy. Find the strength – make the change.